capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize