I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
