You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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