You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
