Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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