i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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