Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
