no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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