We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
