He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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