apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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