**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
