question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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