I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
