I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
