ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
