i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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