Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
