So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
