So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
