i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
