PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
