i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude. I can hear the air.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
