There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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