This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
