it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
