we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
