I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
