I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
