Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
