My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
