Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
