Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
