my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
