After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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