I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
