Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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