True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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