if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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