I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
