I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
