I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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