My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
