he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My vagina is officially offended.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
