it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
