We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
