Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
