Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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