i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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