nut hugger
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
3pm strippers are depressing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
