I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
