I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
