and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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