No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
