I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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