Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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