Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
